Popular Nigerian dancer and fitness coach, Kafayat Shafau, has opened up on the collapse of her marriage, attributing it to inadequate preparation and limited understanding of what marriage truly entails.
Speaking during an interview with media personality Chude Jideonwo, Kaffy reflected on her failed union with music producer Joseph Ameh, stressing that many individuals enter marriage without the knowledge and emotional readiness required to sustain it.
The dancer, whose marriage lasted from June 2012 until its dissolution in January 2022, said her personal experience highlights a broader societal issue, where people are insufficiently equipped for the realities and responsibilities that come with married life.
Kaffy explained that the upbringing many people receive does not adequately prepare them for the emotional, psychological and practical demands of marriage.
According to her, relying solely on parental examples or societal expectations leaves significant gaps in understanding.
She noted that marriage should not be treated as a casual milestone but as a serious institution that requires intentional learning and preparation. Kaffy argued that despite the importance attached to marriage in society, there are limited structured systems in place to ensure individuals are truly ready before committing.
The mother of two questioned the ease with which people obtain marriage certificates compared to other critical life qualifications. She pointed out that processes such as acquiring a driver’s licence often involve more rigorous testing and evaluation than marriage, even though the latter has far-reaching consequences on families and society.
“I was not educated enough for marriage and a lot of us are not, our parents are not preparing us enough, and living through their eyes is not enough education about marriage,” she said.
“It is a special course that needs to be taken, we can’t have a society that issues you a marriage certificate easier than drivers licence like it’s harder to get the drivers licence but it’s much easier to get a marriage certificate but it’s inside this home that all the ills of the society are being built,” she added.
Kaffy further emphasised the need for deeper assessments beyond traditional counselling, noting that mental health plays a critical role in the success of marriages.
She advocated for compulsory mental evaluations for intending couples as part of the marriage process.
“There is a lot of mental health situations android assessments that needs to go on. It’s not only counselling that they should do. They should do mental evaluation of the couple,” she added.
She also proposed a structured pre-marital system that would include drug tests, couples therapy and a comprehensive one-year programme focused on human behavioural sciences before individuals are allowed to marry.
According to her, such measures would help prevent avoidable marital breakdowns and reduce the potential harm couples may inflict on each other and on children brought into unstable homes.
Kaffy’s remarks have reignited conversations around the need for reforms in pre-marital preparation, particularly in Nigeria, where marriage remains a deeply valued institution but is often entered into without sufficient guidance or evaluation.
