Grammy-winning Nigerian singer, songwriter and producer Tems has spoken candidly about how long-standing feelings of self-rejection affected her ability to accept love and build meaningful relationships.
Speaking during a recent interview with media personality Angie Martinez, the artiste explained that she had become so accustomed to rejecting herself that even when others showed her genuine care and acceptance, she struggled to believe or embrace it.
According to her, this internal mindset made it difficult for her to trust the intentions of people around her.
Tems said her perception of herself had been shaped by repeated feelings of rejection, which eventually became her “normal daily life.”
As a result, she admitted she often anticipated rejection from others, even in situations where none was intended. This expectation, she noted, created an emotional barrier that prevented her from fully accepting love when it was offered.
She further explained that she would subconsciously reject herself before anyone else could do so, which influenced how she interpreted relationships and interactions. In her words, she was always waiting for rejection, which made it challenging to recognise and accept genuine affection and support from others.
Despite these struggles, the singer emphasised the importance of self-awareness in overcoming such internal challenges. She encouraged individuals to take time to understand their thoughts and emotional patterns, stressing that recognising one’s fears is a crucial step towards personal growth and healing.
Tems highlighted that becoming aware of one’s mindset can help break negative cycles, particularly those rooted in self-doubt and low self-esteem. She noted that once individuals begin to understand why they think or feel a certain way, they are better positioned to address and change those patterns.
The “Damages” hitmaker, who has collaborated with global stars including Wizkid, Beyoncé, and Drake, has increasingly been open about her personal journey alongside her rising international success.
She also earned an Academy Award nomination for co-writing Rihanna’s track ‘Lift Me Up’, featured in the soundtrack of Black Panther: Wakanda Forever.
Her recent collaboration with British rapper Dave on the track ‘Raindance’ has also kept her in the spotlight, further solidifying her position as one of Africa’s leading contemporary music exports.
Tems’ revelation adds to a growing list of public conversations she has had about personal growth, relationships and emotional well-being. In previous discussions, she has also touched on her experiences with toxic relationships and her preference for a partner who shares her values.
Through her latest remarks, the singer continues to shed light on the often-overlooked impact of internal struggles on external relationships, while encouraging fans and listeners to prioritise self-awareness as a foundation for healthier connections with others.
